Liked K's 2011 thingy on FB (but was too laaazy to make a collage), and Vicky's and Aimee's A year in photos... so decided to do a combination of both :)

1. Jan - Team. (Deos Journey in Boracay)





2. Feb - Snow. (Solo trip to South Korea)





3. Mar - Mama. (HK + Macau)





4. Apr - Homecoming. (bestfriend comes home from AUS)





5. May - Bonfire. (Nagsasa + Capones camping with new friends)





6. Jun - Geeky. (Picture is not from the June Quiz night though :))





7. Jul - Change. (Pic of new boss grabbed from her FB. I hope she doesnt kill me when she finds out about this)





8. Aug - Blur. (bec I can't remember anything of importance :). should've googled a picture of a blur, but too lazy. you get the idea.)




9. Sep - Birthday. (Didnt take photos from home, so this one will have to do)





10. Oct - Breather. (Puerto Galera during the long weekend)





11. Nov - Goodbyes. (Despedidas)





12. Dec - Cheer. (Christmas with friends and family)




* pictures were grabbed from various people on FB.

After 8 months of zero LJ activity-- and roughly 2 hours of tossing and turning in the dark, trying to sleep-- finally I give in to the compulsion and turn on the computer. What I need to write about is not something about me; not even about someone I am friends with, technically. She is a girl whose blog is something I have been checking on and off for the past few years; a very dear friend of cheryl, one of my closest friends from college. J's journal entries about her life as a PhD student in Sweden, her cooking adventures, her bike tours, and the life she and her husband of 1 year was just starting to building together have always been wonderfully written. But 5 days ago, she wrote about something else:

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We were always aware of the shortness of life, somewhere in the background of our everyday living. You told me about your aplastic anemia early on, during our tour around Garisonen. The conversation itself was undramatic. When I read more about the disease, I realized that if we would be together as a couple – and how we wanted to be together so! – I would also have to be prepared to lose what I so love. You said it yourself, in one of your e-mails to me (dated August 10, 2006) after our first visit to the Philippines together and you had returned home. We waited to be reunited in Sweden after a month’s time...

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Day 4.

Love and pain is one binary; dying and living is another.

This autumn would have been 6 years to the time we met and fell in love. Autumn would also have been five years since the day we exchanged engagement rings in this very couch I sit and write, and one and a half years since our wedding day. We lived those six years intensely. You really knew how to make the most out of life. Our small living space and meager funds at the start weren’t even an issue for living well. We genuinely felt that we were living a better life than most people, not least because we had found our life’s love in each other, and we created lots of happy memories. It was always a good life, also despite the many interruptions in the form of hospitalizations, treatments and health setbacks which, through the years and the progression of the disease, seemed to interrupt more frequently and predictably, like receiving post in the mailbox. Somewhere inside us, we hoped that we could buy more and more time: that the body could hold out a bit longer or that science could come up with something new, to stave off the inevitable and hurtful, at least for a while.

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You were determination and integrity personified, and thus I could imagine to feel what a blow the failed transplant last year really had been on you. If the transplant had worked, it wouldn’t just have meant a cure or a longer life together, but a real tangible chance to really fully live at your full capacity, which was an enormous one. When the depression from the shock and disappointment of the failed transplant finally waned, you pulled yourself up so well. Fucking shit. There isn’t a more determined person than you, who had a greater will to live. And that what makes me angry about you dying so young: because even when you felt crushed and death by your own hand seemed a tempting way out of your misery, you said you never could get yourself to do it because there was so much to live for. You even fought to stay awake through the last hours of your life, despite only the tiniest foothold of hope that existed there and the knowledge that our “goodbye”, and that kiss, would likely be our last. You guessed – you told me – that you were going to die that night. And yet, as a man who wanted to live, you did everything the nurses and the doctors told you to do, in the last hours as they were scrambling to sustain you.

In that tiny but existing hope for life were all your dreams of what our future would bring, where we two and our great love stood at the center. I know that part of your will to live was also to protect me, because it was always agonizing for you to imagine my inconsolable sadness. Oh, Marcus. If you could only see me now, your heart would break. Mine is also broken.

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taken from http://swedecheese.blogspot.com/2011/08/letter.html

If J somehow finds about this entry, I hope she forgives me for pasting snippets of what she's written. It is possibly the single thing I have ever read that is so raw with emotion, you can taste the grief and the pain and heartbreak. And yet everyone who knows or reads about their lives for the past 6 years, also knows that given the same lives to live and knowing what the crushing end would be, they would have done the exact same things: fall in love, decide to stay together, marry, stick through thick and thin, through sickness and health. In no way do I want to romanticize Death, and I would not want to wish this kind of pain to my worst enemy, but these past 6 years, I wonder if anyone in my circle can say that they have done or lived life more than J and M had? I myself, what do I have to show for the past 6 years? Ah, to know how to love so fully and so deeply: is there a better way to spend your days than this? Their love, this story--- this is the stuff that fairy tales are really made of.

My heart goes out to J; I pray that these coming mornings, she would gain her strength and her will to go on with life-- little by little---as her Marcus would no doubt want.

Why, hello there LJ--- it's been so long!

I don't have one particular topic that I want to write about, so I'm just going to let my thoughts run and send out to cyberspace whatever I come up with.

Let's start with this: I decided that this is the year that I will become a driver. By that, I mean I can drive alone to the office, church, and the nearest SM without any mishap or giving my passenger a coronary. The 1st time I was able to do this was around November, I think, and I WAS SO PROUD OF MYSELF! Hahahahahaha! I've realized a few things since I started driving, which I would now share below:

1. Pedestrians, it is EXTREMELY important that you follow the rules. If bawal tumawid, BAWAL TUMAWID. Use the overpass. You give new drivers like me a heart attack whenever you decide to play patintero.

2. As much as possible, don't give way to buses and trucks. Unahan mo! Gigitgitin ka lang nyan hanggang sa hindi ka na maka-usad <ok, this is sounding like a bad advice, but I'm not kidding. I'm fuming mad whenever a cocky truck driver thinks he can get away with it). Ok, I think the real realiation #2 is: I am prone to road rage. Nyahahahahaha.

3. If in doubt, don't stop. You are more likely to get into an accident instead of just continuing to drive.

4. Texting or using the cellphone while driving should be banned, anobuzz. That's a no-brainer. No need to sign an Oprah 'No Phone Zone'.

5. I can be pretty embarrassing when listening or dancing to the radio. Whatever. Traffic eh.

6. And finally--- I still prefer commuting to work. A 15-minute trike + 50 mins of sleeping in an air-conditioned FX + 10 minute cab ride still beats 40 minutes of stressful city driving + 5 minutes of trying to park perfectly (much to the dismay of the unfortunate roving guard who happens to be on duty and is therefore obliged to guide me through the whole ordeal). I am still going to stick with driving at least 2 times a
week so I can get better at it, but ahhhh... GT Express is still love =).


Random Thought 2: I miss Papa. It comes in waves, and suddenly--- in the most unexpected moments. Like now for example. If I were in one of those fantasy movies wherein the heroine gets to have one wish granted, I'd probably wish to have Papa back, if only for a few months or a year. The truth is, I wasn't a very good daughter. When he got sick, I didn't understand it then. I was too selfish and immature and wrapped up in my own teenage angst to care about how he felt. All I knew was that I needed my old Dad back, and he wasn't that anymore. Now I think about how he must have felt, and the thought just kills me =(

So I want him to come back, if only for him to see that I'm not that girl anymore, and that his daughter loves him very much. I wish I could make it for him, all those wasted years... But alas, atonement is never easy, more so if self-inflicted.

Ahhh, happy thoughts!


Random Thought 3: I've recently discovered the beauty of Gothic-inspired novels, thanks to Elizabeth Kostova and Carlos Ruiz Zafon. Creaky floorboards, thunder and streaks of lightning, mysterious men in cloaks lurking on shadows--- wow. And now I really really want to go to Spain, haha.


Random Thought 4: I've been extremely busy this year, which also meant I was more tired to do anything else. The 1st 3 quarters were actually good, and I think majority of the items I was able to check on my 2010 list happened then--- but the year went downhill at around late September. Boo-hoo.

But like I said, 2010 wasn't a bad year though. If there was one thing I was able to do this year, it was that I challenged myself to try new things. Ms. Lampa actually went camping and mountain-climbing twice with complete strangers, 2/3 of which were hardcore mountaineers--- and enjoyed it. They were such incredibly rewarding experiences that I'll pretty much sure I'll try to climb one or two next year. I also finally learned how to swim (not properly-- just that now I can float and flutter-kick and move from one point to another. hahaha). Imagine a 26-year-old trying to learn with kids! I made new friends. I got my driver's license. I finally went to Japan! Yey!

So while I scored pretty well against the goals I set out for myself at the start of the year, I'm switching tactics for 2011. This year, the things I would set out to do would not be items on my bucket list--- although I will certainly keep on trying to do new things--- but would instead be baby steps on how to achieve 3 or 4 main goals I've identified. This time, I have the end(s) in mind. Nyahahahahaha. I can't believe I'm saying these stuff. Basta basta. It's time to have some sort of direction.


That brings me to Random Thought 5: Last Retreat, our guide asked me something which stumped me: Nids Javier, what is your passion? Ano yung 'libog' mo? What is the one thing that no matter how tired you are, and even if you don't get paid for it, you would still gladly do? It's important to discern that because where your passion is, that is also where you will find God. Wow! Isn't that an amazing statement? And I think it doesn't necessarily mean you'd quit your job and take the next flight to Rwanda to join an NGO; but when you find your passion, whatever it is, then you should give yourself the chance to pursue it. So if you like photography, go on a photo safari, or take lessons. If you
want to be a teacher, you may want to join volunteer groups who teach street kids every Saturday. Well, at least that how I interpret it. Nyaarrr.

So, ano nga ba ang libog ko? Hmmmm.

just a bit.

but i still miss you everyday. happy father's day, papa.

Got inspired to start again pseudo-documenting my life in LJ-- thanks to a couple of past entries that got me laughing last night. Haay, sometimes I can't believe the things that come out of my mouth. Or my hand. whatever, you get the idea.

So to 1) revive this LJ, and 2) have something to go back to, I'm finally posting this one. Wrote this a week after the Mt. Pulag climb on Jan 29 to Feb 1, 2010, but didn't have the time (and fine, tinamad din) to sort and upload in Flickr and choose among the pics to make this entry more, uh, engaging. And visual. Ehem, no lj cuts for me, sorry =)


So many trips during the past few years that went undocumented. Haay. The pictures are all in my digicam or laptop-- well, either that or forever lost. Starting this year, I must post and preserve memories! Mt. Pinatubo trip and Binondo Food Wok are the backlogs for the year, but I hope to post soon.

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My plan when I arrived at the Cubao bus station was to gravitate towards people whith huge backpacks. Madami palang ganun... but we did eventually find each other. Almost immediately, I struck up a conversation with Julius and Philip, who both joined the climb on their own (like me), and worked for Accenture and Smart (like several of my friends)-- but the similarities ended there. They both looked like outdoorsy stuff, which proved to be an accurate impression. Wish ko lang, somewhere in the bunch there is also one other girl who was insane enough to climb her 1st mountain with strangers.

Baguio was freezing cold when we arrived at about 5am. We were split into 2 jeepneys, and then we went to Good Taste Restaurant for breakfast. I switched on my 'walang hiya-hiya' and 'I'm so affable!' mode and again struck a conversation with the people seated beside me. Konnie and Jessa are friends, Konnie is friends with Owen, ergo Jessa became friends with Owen. The 4th girl, Irene, was someone who they met and sort of adopted to the group during the pre-climb meeting; she was also alone and a newbie hiker. Yey, I struck gold! Someone else was insane!=) The story of Mt. Magiting was born on this morning, and became a running joke throughout the trip. Ang saya-saya! We split and shared garlic butter chicken and fried rice.




Group pic after breakfast.



One hour later, we were back on the jeep and speeding away from Baguio. Take note: speeding. That would've been fine, except the road to Benguet was uh, high up in the mountains and typically zigzag. Not as scary as the road to Sagada, but scary pa rin.


Had a brief stopover and photo session at Ambuklao Dam, then we were off again to DENR for a briefing. Jeepney ride again to Ranger Station, starting point of our trek proper. Now, this is when the real adventure begins. Oh my golly gee goodness gracious-- they weren't joking when they said 'rough road na to the ranger station'. Rough road?! You actually call this a road? I know I shouldn't expect pavements here, but the road is literally like a hiking trail, albeit a bit wider, and it was dusty and strewn with rocks as big as your fists. For over an hour, we were hanging on to the hand rails as our driver expertly maneuvered the trusty jeep, but kahit anong higpit ng hawak mo, you'd literally be throwing yourself to your seatmate at one point or another. It was bearable the 1st time around, but it was much harder on our way back from pulag; by then our bodies were sore from the trek and the cold, and a very, very bumpy ride would not help. Anyway, back to Day 1!




It was such a bumpy ride that I couldn't even take a photo. The road you see above is already relatively, uh, better than most.





Ranger Station at last!


Quick lunch and change of clothes at the Ranger station. It was a bit cold, but we would be trekking with the sun still high. so I put on 3 layers of shirts and a cap. While people were handing over their stuff to porters, Irene and I were wondering if we'd have enough stamina to have our first climb with our huge backpacks, sleeping bags, and the mandatory 3 liters of water-- that's 3 kilos right off the bat. We were out of shape; I have no illusions whatsoever that my 2 Saturday jogs prior the climb did anything for my stamina. Hmmm. A couple of people encouraged us that we can do it. Aba, ganun ba? Okay fine, no to porters!



Still smiling


Several minutes into the hike, several of the people who encouraged us to carry our load gave up and handed their bags to porters. Hu-whaaat?! Ok, ok. At this point, we were struggling with our stuff but the trail was relatively level, and so we bravely refused the offer of porters and persevered. Irene and I became BFF at this point, egging each other on =) We even stopped now and then to take pictures. Kaya natin to!




After 1 hour though, we were singing a different tune. Nakakapagod talaga! Already we had a few uphill climb, though they weren't steep in fairness. We lacked the training and stamina though, and our hearts were pounding like crazy, trying to compensate with our huffing and puffing. It was getting a bit harder for us to breathe due to the elevation. Give up na ba, asks Irene? No... kaya pa to!


I remember the moment I conceded and threw my pride: we were looking up another uphill part of the trek, and it was still 30 minutes to camp 1 daw. Whaaat??!! Huhuhu. Now it was me who was asking: nasan, may porters pa ba? Nasan na sila? Gaaaammmeee!!!! Lo and behold, descending at that moment was a group of porters! Saviors! I had never been that happy to see other human beings in my life! Except for 1 liter of water, sleeping bag, and my digicam, I happily handed my load to kuya simeon (shoutout naman jan. haha!). 30 minutes later we were at camp 1. After 10 minutes of rest, we got up again. And then suddenly, I sped off. Hahaha! Later, my new friends would tease me that I left them in the dust and was gone to join the front of the pack. That's an exaggeration, although I did leave them unintentionally. With just 1.5 kilos of stuff, I can now resume my normal brisk-walking self! There were a few uphill treks left on the trail, and I don't for one second regret taking the porter option. I could not take 30 minutes of that. Well, I could, but 30 minutes will become 1 hour, hahaha!






Reached the saddle campsite at around 3:30pm.



Welcome, welcome!-- says Irene and Vacuum Cleaner




Hmmm. Unfortunately, the camp was quite full with other groups. Apparently, it was the evening of this year's full moon perigee (think back to your grade 5 science; this is the time of the year that we mortals of the earth have the biggest and brightest view of the full moon. google!). Wow, are we lucky or what?! Anyway our group went up for another 5-10 minute hike up to what they call the extension, and there we set-up camp. While others lounged, a few of us dragged our feet to another short climb to wait for the sunset. We had the best view since we were a bit higher than those on the saddle. We pulled out our jackets, shirts, socks, bonnets and gloves first-- the temperature was dropping fast.



meteor garden shot



meteor garden shot 2



below us, you could see the red tents. that's our camp! mamaya na ang pahinga. picture-picture muna!


bye sun! sunset above the clouds. wow.


Dinner at the camp. The worst thing about our site was that we were the farthest from the 'restroom'. By this I mean, nothing fancy-- just a good old deep hole dug on the ground. Did I mention that as early as Baguio, I had an upset stomach? Hahaha, no kidding! Imagine going thru everything I just wrote with a gassy tummy. In fairness to me, I tried to make a go for it on the resto's restroom, but I was unsuccessful. Puro bad gas lang =(. Now you're probably wondering why the heck I am writing about something as squeamish as this? Well, because it was an interesting and unexpected element of my whole trip, that's why! And blog ko ata to.

It was so so cold that almost everyone ignored what semblance there is of socials and proceeded to try to sleep by 7pm, and wake up at 3am the next day for the summit assault. Unfortunately, I don't think the cold allowed any of us a good long night of sleep. I had on 3 socks, 2 pants, 3 shirts, 2 jackets, a bonnet, gloves, a thick scarf, and rented an extra thick blanket for 30 pesos from DENR, plus I had Maan's sleeping bag, but I was still freezing! The temperature apparently dropped to 2-3 degrees, which was mercifully better than the -5 degrees during the December climb (frost formed outside their tents). I caught a few hours of valuable snooze, but woke up several times bec of my bad tummy and my cold cold feet.


At about 1:30am, someone outside our tent woke up and decided to talk loudly to his friend in a fairly loud voice. A couple of us woke up. I was very very annoyed. At one point, I called out a 'ssshhh', and then 'ang ingay!'. Still this guy persisted. Hmmm. Nidalin not a happy camper at this point. By 2am, I decided to brave thru a long trek to the latrine to make another go for it (i was unsuccessful again. all gas. huhuhu). Before I left the camp with Konnie (apparently there were a couple of us pala with a bad tummy), I politely and diplomatically, but with an obviously displeased tone, told off the 2 guys, letting them know they were making a lot of noise and people are asleep. Tsktsk, mga taga-UP pa naman! We got to know them during the latter part of the trip, but at that point annoyance got the better part of me.


3am. Wash-up and ready for the Summit assault. The full moon was so so bright, though we still needed our headlamps else we'll be rolling off the mountainside and suffer broken bones. The roughly 1.5 hour trek was mostly uphill and at times very steep (summit assault nga, right?). There were a couple of times that we thought that around the bend is already the summit, only to see yet another peak we had to climb. Then another. Then another. I stopped expecting after a few false hopes, hehe. But finally, at 5am, we reached the Mt. Pulag summit!




stars and the sky


Wowowow! At last. After quickly assessing where the sun was going rise, I secured a spot with friends and plopped on the grass. I lay down and stared straight into the sky, trying to make as little surface area of my body available to the cold as possible. It was freezing! It wasn't sunrise yet, but we could already see the mountains and the clouds below us. Knowing that you are at the highest point of Luzon, with only 2 other points in the country higher than you was exhilarating! And then the sun started creeping in. Wowowow. Grabe. The full moon still high behind you, and the sun rising in front. Surreal.


perigee moon behind us...



... and the sun rising in front. just a tinge of color



Lamig na lamig pa rin. Pero nice sunrise pic, eh?


isa pa


why, hello there sun!


Pics of endless sea of clouds spread out below:









Other summit pics:


ready for photo-op



we did it! yahoo!





Our group took a long time before we descended. Our guides were calling for us, but Julie (hotshot lawyer and sporty new friend) wanted to take more nice pictures, which I fully supported. Let's savor the moment-- kebs sa breakfast! =)



shadow


Trek back



Yihee, naka-smile na!


Save for fog and drizzle during our break camp, we were blessed with pretty good weather and visibility. We were forewarned we have to call off a summit assault even with a slight rain. I don't know what I would've done in case that happened; I would probably bawl my eyes out and insist we wait it out even if it means staying there for 2 more days. But, as luck would have it, God heard our prayers. Hooray!!!




Bonus rainbow just as we were about to break camp.



Congratulations to myself and my fellow campers! We did it! Woow! Conquering Mt. Pulag, checked!





There are looooots of pictures, but you'd find them on Flickr/Facebook/fellow climbers'pages or multiply sites, including the proper photo credits lest I get charged. All pics belong to my fellow climbers (except for the crappy ones, which are courtesy of my digicam). Ah basta, maganda puntahan ang Pulag. Period. =)

I am surrounded by memories, literally. On the floor of my room, what I've managed to salvage from our ruined baby photos (courtesy of Ondoy) are strewn all over and laid out to dry. It's a futile exercise, really-- but these are all our family have of our childhood, sans our faulty memories of course, and that'll fade in time whether we like it or not. Haay.

Speaking in memories, something happened yesterday and today that brought back things of 12 years past. Ang cheesy! But I am inexplicably happy =) I don't really want to understand the reasons why I felt the way I did; I just want to hold on to this for as long as I can-- wrap myself in my own happy bubble and float for the next x days or weeks. Note to self: remember this feeling =)

I'm trying to make a list of what I've read in 2009-- much like vicky. For posterity's sake, here's what I remember:

1. Contact - Carl Sagan
2. The Andromeda Strain - Michael Crichton
3. Water for Elephants - Sara Gruen
4. On Beauty - Zadie Smith
5. Scribner's Best of the Fiction Workshops 1999 - editors Sherman Alexie, John Kulka, Natalie Danford
5. Jacob Have I Loved - Katherine Paterson
6. Trying to Save Piggy Sneed - John Irving
7. Silent to the Bone - e.l. konigsburg
8. A Thousand Splendid Suns - Khaled Hosseini
9. The Stone Diaries - Carol Shields
10. The Year Without Michael - Susan Beth Pfeffer
11. The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
12. Queen of Camelot - Nancy MacKenzie (The High Queen part was a re-read)
13. Unless - Carol Shields
14. Youngblood 2
15. Youngblood 3
16. Hitler's Niece - Ron Hansen
17. Chasing Redbird - Sharon Creech
18. How To Be Good - Nick Hornby
19. Knots in My Yo-yo String - Jerry Spinelli
20. The Last Time They Met - Anita Shreve
21. Left Behind - I forgot who
22. The Mermaid Chair - Sue Monk Kidd
23. Mother Tongue - Demetria Martinez


Couldn't recall everything, especially those that I borrowed, but this list is as complete as my faulty memory would ever allow. My favorites would be Queen of Camelot (thank you pia!!! you're miles away, and yet you still managed to pull off this surprise), and Trying to Save Piggy Sneed (thank you vicky!!!). The latter is a collection of short stories, 3 of which are memoirs of Irving, and it was those 3 that completely bowled me over. Ang galing. The last Charles Dickens book I read was way back in grade school (Great Expectations), but I recently bought a 60-peso copy of A Tale of Two Cities by the strength of Irving's praise. I think I'll make that my last read for the year. =)

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Had a pretty good long weekend. I think the highlights would be meeting nick's friends and getting to be part of an eclectic mix of people who are eager to make a difference (i just hope things will start rolling, soon), and watching the World Cup of Pool semis and finals. Grabe ang finals! That was one hell of a match. The German duo-- and it was obvious Hohmann allowed the more experienced Soquet to call the shots-- was just cool as can be. Perfect and precise. I honestly don't know how Django/Bustamante finally managed to pull it off; I'm just glad they did! =) This makes them the 1st ever team to win the title twice. To be honest, I think it's time for Efren to excuse himself from such matches. Wala naman nang mawawala-- he is already known as the best pool player that ever lived, and if you'd look at the other top-notch players' favorite, his name would come up the most. Time to go in a blaze of glory! His knowledge of the game is unparalleled still though; I'm thinking, can he sit on the sidelines and be allowed to 'coach' the Filipino players on what shots to take? Hehe!


Speaking of billiards, the weekend before The WCP began, I was watching Wowowee (oo na, jologs) and guess who was sitting on the bleachers and doing the Wowowee motion with his hands?? It's Number 1 US player and prodigy (and one-half of the last year's winning team and defending champs) Shane van Boening! Grabe, my brother and I were gaping at the screen in disbelief. Last year I remember Mika Immonen watching the Ateneo-La Salle UAAP game, and now this! Aba, nawiwili na ang mga ito sa Pilipinas ah. Not that I'm complaining; as far as I'm concerned, they can stay here as long as they want. And while they're at it-- they can drop by the house anytime =).



* Stolen from my friend K's, which she coined way back during the PCD Doll Domination and ULP-sponsored concert (she and reg are obviously on the same wavelength and would probably hit it off!) Ngayon lang bumagay sa LJ =)